Christmas has many traditions that seem normal when barely thinking about them. But, if you take a closer look at the elements of Christmas, our traditions are very strange and often times incredibly creepy.
Lets start off simple. Santa. Obviously a clear-cut case of breaking and entering. And for some reason everyone is quite all right with a large man breaking into their house, not only do we ignore this fact, but we embrace it. I mean goodness, we feed him and his mode of transportation (or maybe it’s only my family that put out carrots for the flying deer) I don’t know but I feel as though we should not be rewarding this behavior. But this is not as much of an annoyance to me as Christmas music.
I work at a coffee house year round. So immediately on Thanksgiving that horrid music is turned on. Not only is it around the house, but in the car, in stores, and even in the musical seasonal decorations that are put out.
Now this music is not normal music that is tolerable. It is small children singing in an obnoxious manner about candy canes and snow. There are also only ten songs that are well known and each song has about a million and one spin offs. In my humble opinion, this is what leads to the excess alcohol sales during the season. I mean really, they were all made during the 40’s, no one rides in sleighs anymore, and children shouldn’t be so perky about Mom cheating with Santa. Also Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is a weird film. I saw it for the first time this year and I have so many questions. Why is the elf a dentist? Why does the lion have a crown and WINGS?! And why do they hire the scary yeti to put a light on the Christmas tree? They are paying a Yeti year round to do a job that is easily done with a ladder and only takes 2 seconds. Just saying.
Sitting on Santa’s lap. A tradition in my family. This was fine and dandy…. when I was 5. Nowadays sitting on a large strangers lap while he puts his arm around me and asks me if I’ve “been a good girl this year” just seems creepy. I don’t even sit on my boyfriends lap let alone an old man who usually seems much more cheery than he should be. (I sat on a girls lap one time and broke her wrist- ya I know, skill.)
Off to chop down the tree. I have no clue who started this tradition. But in my mind it is one of the most ridiculous. To me, plants… (Wait for it)…….. Should be outside. A new idea, I know! But the fact that everyone gets to be a woodsman I guess is kinda cool. But I still feel the tree should be outside. Santa knows where to put the goods, and I mean if not, what’s the harm? I mean he already puts paper wrapped things, hanging from cotton socks, dangerously close to the fire. Also! I am allergic to trees. VERY ALLERGIC. So having a tree in the house literally makes me sick along with the fact that when I touch the tree I break out in a rash. My dog also usually drinks the tree water that makes her violently ill for most of Christmas week. Aka Barf EVERYWHERE.
This may sound like a rant to you. But I love Christmas. Some of it is just very quirky to me. But I have many things I love. I LOVE giving gifts. I don’t care if I get any I just love giving them. I also love driving in the car with my family eating doughnuts and watching the light decorations. My family also used to cut down our tree and when it was almost cut my brothers and I would lie on the ground and my Dad would yell timber as he dropped our tree on us. I love our Christmas card (it’s a collage of pictures of the years happenings). I love making monkey balls (monkey bread to the rest of the world) and eating the whole thing on Christmas morning. I love singing Happy Birthday to baby Jesus. I love setting up the Raggedy Ann collection with my Mom. And I love the cheer and love that is everywhere.
And even though traditions are weird and I am a scrooge about the seasonal music, I love Christmas and being with my family and everyone I love. So it may be a bit late but, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. ~Dr Seuss
Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~Bernard Manning
Haha I really like "batteries not included"
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